7 years later

... and I finally have my driver's license (my "N" that is).

Okay okay yea, I'm 25, this should be the post of a 16 year old. Driving wasn't really much of a priority for me and truth be told, terrified me the first time I tried to learn so I stopped and figured driving could wait.

I know that not having a driver's license is a strange concept for a lot of people but you know, up until this past year I could count on my fingers the number of times not having one was really a problem. Transit took me almost anywhere I wanted to go. 

So after 7 years (9 if you count how long ago I could have gotten a learner's) why now? Mostly it was kayaking. Trying to be involved in kayaking and not having a car was a serious pain. Boats don't fit on the bus and the buses don't go to most rivers anyway. So I did what I always said I'd do: I got a license when not having one started to interfere with the life I wanted.

I have to admit, I am already enjoying the freedom of having a license, and a car. It's the having the car that's really fun. If I want to go somewhere, I can, because it's my car, all mine. Of course so is the car payment and the insurance premiums and the gas but you win some you lose some...

(no subject)

I miss Megan. I don't know where she went or if I'll see her again. I think sometimes the pieces are scattered all over Europe, left behind in hostels and art galleries, and a pile in the basement of an Internet cafe in Paris. Which doesn't help much. 

I'm tired of people telling me I just need to stop thinking about the things that are making me sad, that I need to 'snap out of it.' They can't have been depressed if they think that it's that easy. Depression is in essence the inability to let the bad things slide of your back. I'm tired of being told that I am choosing to feel this way. Nobody would choose this life believe me. I'm tired of hearing that I 'let' things hurt me. If someone stabs you in the arm, you don't choose for it to hurt. It hurts because it hurts. 

More and more it is apparent that I am alone in this battle. I can't not be a burden to people right now. 

So I'm crawling back into my hole for awhile. I won't be online. 

Goodbye for now. I love you all.

(no subject)

Part 1: The Birth of You:
Were you a planned baby?: Yes
Were you the first?: Yes
Who was present at your birth?: My mom (duh), dad and grandma
Were your parents married when you were born?: yes. I was born a year and 5 months after their wedding
What is your birth date?: May 3 1982

Part 2: The Family
How would you describe your family?: very sarcastic
Are your parents married?: Yes.
Siblings or an only child?: I have one sibling.
If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?: oldest
What are your siblings names and ages?: Robyn, 21
Which parent do you get along with best?: Mom
What do you fight about?: My mom and I don’t fight my dad and I hardly speak so I guess we don’t really fight either
Do you have step parents?: Nope.

Part 3: The Friends
Do you have more than one best friend?: No.
Who are your best friends?: Shannon
What do you like to do when you are together?: eat Tim Hortons
Do you share the same interests?: some, but our friendship is based more on shared experiences I think. We’ve been through a lot.
Which friend can you tell anything to?: Shannon

Part 4: Your Personality
How high/low is your self esteem?: Usually pretty high. It suffered a bit of a blow this year
Are you an extrovert or an introvert?: I think I’m somewhere in the middle
Are you happy?: I’m grateful to be able to answer yes to this
Do you live life to the fullest?: I try to

Part 5: Appearance
Are you comfortable with the way you look?: Yep
Do you have any piercings besides your ears?: used to
Describe your hair.: collar-length dark brown in bad need of a trim
What make-up do you wear?: None.
How do you dress?: business attire mostly

Part 6: The Past
Were you a strange child?: I was a creative child
What did you used to love that you no longer do?: I don’t draw much
Do you have the same friends?: not at all
Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?: losing a friend at 5 definitely shaped me

Part 7: The Future
What is your ambition?: graduate
Are you scared of growing old?: Not really
Do you want to get married?: perhaps

Part 8: The Outdoors
Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?: Outdoors
What is your favorite season: kayaking
Do you like walking in the rain?: yes

Part 9: Food
Are you a vegetarian?: not anymore
What is your favorite fruit?: I like most fruit
What food makes you want to gag?: beef
What is your favorite dessert?: cheesecake
What is your favorite restaurant?: too many
Are you a fussy eater?: not at all

Part 10: Relationships and Love
Are you single or taken?: single
If taken who is the lucky guy/girl?:
Are you totally lying?: course not
Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?: no
Do you believe in love at first sight?: no

Part 11: Experiences
What was one of your greatest experiences?: Europe
What was one of your worst?: Sitting alone in a doctor’s office for 20 minutes waiting to hear if I had cancer. Not an experience I recommend believe me.
Have you ever done drugs?: no
Have you ever thought you were going to die?: see above re: cancer scare
Have you ever suffered from depression?: recently

(no subject)

You know that point of workload where you have so much stuff to do that you don't know where to start and end up staring distressingly at the screen for 20 minutes trying to figure out where to start? Yea, totally there. 

I have discovered a down side to having a, as my mom would call it, real job. Unlike all previous jobs, when I am not here, the work doesn't get done by somebody else, and apparently, everything falls apart. My coworkers are not capable of changing the toner by themselves. I missed two days last week because of this stupid cold and I was already behind before that. This is a really ugly combination so I am going to whine on LJ before tackling my to-do list. 

I do love my job, really. I need to work on saying no. I have a tendency, when people other than my boss ask me to do things for them I tend to say yes, regardless of how much other stuff I have to do. My boss has already told me I don't need to do this but I'm so used to having multiple bosses it's hard. I'm staying late tomorrow anyway because I have an event downtown to attend and I don't have time to go home and come back. 

But the upside more than makes up for it. Money! I'm going to drop 300 on a paddle this weekend. I could go cheaper but the expensive one will be better for my hands and shoulders. And I'm less likely to want to sell it right away. I am also going to be looking at pfds on Saturday and am ordering a helmet from Chilliwack. Once I have all that I will be able to get on rivers now that there's rain. Hurrah! 

I went to a VKC exec meeting last night. I mysteriously got roped into doing layout for the newsletter (which is kind of a funny sory) and Phil suggested I attend then announced that I'd be there. Slightly annoyed by that since I had a headache and had been thinking about staying home. It was good though. I got to voice some of my concerns about the lack of beginner friendliness.  They're a very friendly group and I felt instantly welcome. Although I think most of them think Phil and I are an item. Ohhhhh well.
  • Current Mood
    awake awake

(no subject)

A surefire sign that you're a bonafide adult? When you spend 225 on a kitchen appliance instead of an mp3 player. 

So disgusting roommate is really getting on my nerves. He leaves pots full of rice in the sink (come ON you can't even throw the rice out first?) to congeal and food all over the counter. He looks about 17 and from a culture where women do do all the work so I'm assuming he just thinks I'll do it. I concluded that it was absolutely imperative now that we acquire a dishwasher. I was supposed to get one from Shannon's parents but landlady decided there wasn't room so I decided to just buy a countertop one, on the assumption that it'll be handy when I move out anyway.

While I was at London Drugs to get the thing, there was a teeny bopper looking at Ipods. I turned to my mom and said "if I weren't such a responsible adult I could have one of those."

Good news is that Matt (roommate I actually like) has returned and we can double team the slob into cleaning up after himself. I will be giving the latter a dishwasher lesson tonight.

I'm a big girl now

i just received word from my boss that they are extending my contract and at the end of the month I am going to become part of the Hydro temp system which means full benefits and cool stuff like that. I've never had benefits before and seeing as I am technically not on my mother's anymore and can't stay on it past this May anyway, this is a pretty good thing. 

This is a very good thing.

An update re: house

Sorry to anyone who panicked at my last post. I was on my way out the door and didn't have time to elaborate.

I'm fuzzy on the details still but from what I understand, someone came in via my window (yikes) around 5am Sunday morning. Not sure what, if anything they took because my roommate was home and I gather they got out of there pretty fast. Luckily, when my mom and I stopped by on Friday to pick up my laundry I decided at the last minute to pick up my computer otherwise I definitely would have lost that. I didn't have anything else of value in there. 

All in all it could have been a lot worse. I'm mostly freaked out that strange people were in my room. Feel a lot of space violation with that. I am also freaked by the thought of what might have happened if I had been home when it happened. Feeling very very relieved that I was at my parents and kind of scared to go back. I hope that will pass. 

It is a testament to how well I'm doing emotionally these days that I'm not a total basketcase. A month ago my reaction probably would have been very different. 

Which brings me to an interesting observation. I'm happy. My life isn't perfect and there are things I would change if I could but overall, I am happy. More importantly, I'm at peace. It's been a long time coming.

(no subject)

They have been mucking about on my street since I got home from Saskatchewan in mid-August. At first it was just a bit of a nuisance but it has turned into a giant migraine of a headache. I nearly broke my ankle trying to navigate my way down the hill as it is covered with gravel, heavy machinery and giant holes. I am moving back to Maple Ridge until it is over because this is ridiculous. 

I am considering moving period. I really, really, really do not like the new roommate. He is messy (gross messy) and has not mastered things like flushing let alone doing the dishes. I am tempted to do them myself but none of them are mine. He had the audacity to tell me that our landlady wants us to vaccuum every two weeks and we should take turns. Tell ya what, I'll vaccuum when you clean the kitchen. 

Workiness seems to be going well though. I was stressed yesterday because my boss has handed me a new responsability that involves lots of numbers. However, it wasn't as difficult as I thought. It is mostly coming up with reasons for the numbers and that deals with words. Words I can handle. The bright side of all this is that it increases the likelihood of my contract being extended past the end of the month. It's also a lot less repetitive than most of the work I do here. There is something to be said for repetitive work because it rarely poses much of a challenge but it certainly does get tedious and boring from time to time.